Just Breathe Read online

  Just Breathe

  Rachel Brookes

  Dedicated to my loving family

  and

  to those that have a dream.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Prologue

  June 16th, 1990

  To my darling Savannah,

  My gorgeous baby girl, you have finally arrived. You rushed into our world at 10:48 a.m., barely allowing your mum and me enough time to get to the hospital. Sydney was covered by clouds and gloomy weather, but as soon as you took your first breath and the nurse laid you on your mum’s chest, the sun burst through, my little ray of sunshine.

  You didn’t cry, you didn’t wail, you didn’t look distressed when you were born only hours ago. You, my darling, looked beautiful, content and your little pout and blonde fuzz had the nurses fussing; you were already a little heartbreaker. Your big green eyes searched the room before locking onto mine. It was at that moment that I knew I was in danger of my heart exploding with love. The moment you first grabbed my finger was a moment I will never forget. I was the proudest dad in the world.

  I love you more than any words can describe. You are as beautiful as your mum and you are already a cheeky little monkey who I can’t stand to be away from for even a moment.

  My baby girl, I cannot wait to watch you take your first steps, to hear you say your first words, laugh as you have your first taste of Vegemite and hold your hand when we take you to the beach for the first time. I hope the ocean means as much to you as it does me. Your life is yours, and I am looking forward to watching you in the many years to come. I can’t wait to hold your hand at school dances. I can’t wait to watch you make friends at school. I can’t wait until you fall in love, and I can’t wait until your life is exactly what you want it to be.

  Savannah, I cannot guarantee what life will be like, but that’s the beauty of life, my girl. Right at this moment as I look down at you on the bed, I am overwhelmed with the thought of your life ahead. I cannot wait to spend every waking moment protecting, encouraging, loving, caring and shielding you. Life is going to be tough, my beautiful girl. Life will throw you curveballs. Life may try and destroy you, but what matters most is that life will also be beautiful, astonishing, overwhelming and adventurous. It’s yours to live.

  You will make friends. You will lose friends. You will make mistakes. You will be hurt. You will fall in love, and you will have you heartbroken, but then someone will come along when you least expect it, and be everything you need, just like how your mum came to me. Don’t be afraid to feel. Don’t be afraid to live. Don’t afraid to do whatever you need to survive. This is your journey, Savannah, and I will always be the proudest dad in the world. I can’t wait until I am an old man sitting in my rocking chair and watching you as a grown woman and being so incredibly proud of you, which I know I will be.

  I hope you get your mum’s beauty and my stubbornness, and I hope you get your mum’s heart and my determination. Mostly, I hope you find yourself and become the person you will be proud of.

  No matter what life you are handed, whatever you are dealt, whatever struggles you may face, please remember to just breathe. Just breathe, Savannah, because that’s all you will need.

  I love you with every inch of my beating heart. I adore you with every breath I take. I will protect you for every day of your life.

  You are my baby, always and forever.

  Dad xx

  Chapter One

  “Savannah Rae, stop eye-fucking the immigration officer!”

  I peeled my eyes from the blushing immigration officer in front of me and shifted my amused gaze to Mr. Davenport, who was piercing me with death glares. This wasn’t anything new to me; being scolded by Mr. Davenport was something I was very accustomed to. In my twenty-two years his tendency to reprimand me for doing anything unladylike was something legends were made of.

  “I need a stiff drink,” Mr. Davenport growled as he headed toward a bar called Blue Diamonds. He weaved his way through the arrivals lounge with a confident strut intimidating those around him, and I had to rush taking two steps at a time to try and catch up. I grumbled to myself. All I wanted to do was go and sleep off the imminent jet lag that was bubbling in me, have a long overdue shower and eat copious amounts of comfort food. Did he not realize we had just travelled for eighteen hours straight?

  I was about to start calling Los Angeles home. I was born and bred Australian, with a thick accent to match, but the opportunity to follow Mr. Davenport to Los Angeles to take on the role of executive assistant to the creative director of Beautify Magazine was almost too good to be true.

  Beautify Magazine covered all of my loves—music, fashion and lifestyle. Beautify had offices in all of the major cities—Los Angeles, New York, Paris, London and Sydney, and I was fortunate enough as an eighteen-year-old to be whisked away to Sydney to start my first-ever job as Mr. Davenport’s assistant. I loved my job. It changed every day and gave me the opportunity to escape from reality. Some days I worked on fashion shoots, other days I was reviewing music and others I was stuck in the office working closely with Mr. Davenport on reports. It kept my mind active and that’s what I needed.

  Los Angles was going to be a whole new ball game. I couldn’t deny that the opportunity to relocate didn’t excite the pants off me, but most importantly it allowed me to run yet again. And running is what I seemed to do so well.

  “Long Island Iced Tea, I assume?” Mr. Davenport asked. I nodded and took a seat by the large glass windows that gave me full view of the incoming flights. I had a faint idea as to why we were hanging around the airport, and it made me nervous as hell. Mr. Davenport was known to lob what he called a “to the point” chat on me when I least expected it, and I had a feeling I was about to be subjected to one of them. He was a smart man because he was going to get me at my most vulnerable: tired, cranky, hungry and bordering on delirium due to impending jet lag.

  The familiar ding of an incoming text pulled me away from my thoughts and I recognized the name immediately.

  Sav! Are you here yet? I am so excited! Everyone is so excited to meet you. I tell people you are Australian and they literally start frothing at the mouth. We must have dinner and drinks tonight. Cannot wait! Love, Tanzi x

  Tanzi had been given the official role of being my “Get Savannah settled into Los Angeles” buddy. She worked in the PR department of Beautify Magazine and we had been in constant contact since I had accepted the job. She was funny, witty, feisty and adorable. If I needed to know anything about L.A., she was my go-to girl. A walking encyclopedia as I cal
led her. In the past month she had excitedly told me all the places I had to visit, where to shop, where to buy amazing coffee and where I could find guys.

  The thing was that I had chosen to not tell her that I didn’t do relationships and I hadn’t for the past five years. I was the one who was all about casual, no-strings attached, emotionless, once-only hookups. I almost felt like I was allergic to relationships. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I didn’t want a relationship and honestly, I didn’t even know if “Savannah” and “relationship” would ever be spoken in the same sentence again. My friends called me a man-eater. That was survival to me, and that’s how I planned on surviving Los Angeles.

  Hey Tanzi,

  I am currently at LAX having a cocktail with Mr. Davenport. I will let you know when I get settled. Can’t wait to see you! I am definitely keen for dinner and drinks. See you soon xx S

  “So Los Angeles?” Mr. Davenport questioned as he placed a tall glass in front of me, the distinct smell of tequila hitting me.

  Brilliant…here it comes.

  Mr. Davenport was the kind of man all women fantasized about and who men were threatened by. He stood more than six feet tall, he was fit from his weekly gym sessions and he oozed intimidation. His blue-green eyes were dark and piercing but it was his voice, a strong deep growl with a thick Australian accent that threatened his business competitors and would cause women to throw themselves at him. He had been a constant fixture in my life since I was born; to me he was my family before my boss. No matter how frightening and intimidating he was, I knew I owed him more than anyone would ever realize, and today he was allowing me to run yet again. This was the one thing I seemed to always get right.

  “Yes, Los Angeles,” I answered softly, twisting my hair around my finger as I always did when I was panicking.

  “You ready for this, Savannah?” His voice deepened but his eyes softened when he saw my face drop at his words.

  I looked at him with wide eyes and I knew he wasn’t talking about starting at the L.A. office of Beautify Magazine. He was talking about the new-and-improved Savannah he so desperately wanted to see in Los Angeles—the one who forgot about the guys, the one who would respect herself and the one who would no longer blame herself for the events of her past.

  “I’m scared. What if I fail at this? What if the office is so different from Sydney? What if they can’t understand my accent? What if I say rubber instead of eraser? What if I say I am wearing my thongs instead of my flip-flops?”

  “Just breathe, Savannah,” Mr. Davenport said softly, and I couldn’t help but smile at his words and the way they reminded me of my Dad. They were the words that made me feel safe. “This is going to be the best thing you will experience. You are amazing at your job, they will love your Aussie quirkiness, and if they don’t, they will have to deal with me. You and I both know you will charm every one of them.”

  “Charm the pants off them?” I taunted, and Mr. Davenport’s face immediately darkened. He clearly didn’t get the joke.

  “This is a new start for you, Savannah. I want you to leave everything in Sydney. No one knows you or knows your past, and you don’t have to tell anyone anything,” he said, ignoring my bad attempt at a joke.

  “What do you mean?” I questioned, although I knew exactly where he was going with this. He had been hinting at this conversation for weeks.

  He lifted his eyes to meet mine and I could see he wasn’t amused. He wasn’t in boss mode now; he was in protective Mr. Davenport mode.

  For the past five years Mr. Davenport had the unfortunate front row seat of watching me become the Savannah I was today. He watched me become a harsh bitch. He had watched me shut out the world and do things that I wasn’t proud of. My survival mode was distraction and that’s the only way I knew but it was my choices for distraction that he wasn’t keen on.

  The nightmares, the memories and the loneliness of my past consumed my every thought and I found an unconventional means of survival in the form of men, partying and running before things got serious. The heartbreakingly timeless grief I suffered upon losing my parents when I was ten, being cheated on by my high school sweetheart and then being blamed for his suicide when I was eighteen was what led me to this day. From that day I had promised myself I would never allow another man to own or conquer my heart, and I would never love again. In the darkest depths of my mind I was scared I wouldn’t survive another heartbreak.

  “You need to stop with all the men, the drinking, the partying and the craziness. I have watched you try and destroy yourself for too long and I will not tolerate it any longer. I am done with watching you continue to punish yourself for your parents and your ex, for something that wasn’t your fault. I care about you too much Savannah. This is a brand-new start for both of us, so can we please not fuck it up?”

  People never understood my relationship with Mr. Davenport; our relationship was one of complete honesty and no secrets. I owed him that. He had saved me more times than I wish to recount. He was my dad’s best friend since high school and I knew Dad’s death shattered him, but all he cared about was me. He knew of my lifestyle, he knew of my past, he knew everything about Corey and my parents and although he was supportive, he still found pleasure in pulling rank when needed. He saved my life when he offered me a job at Beautify. He had watched my shine fade, he watched the spark in my eye go out and he knew I was in survival mode. Much to his distress, he knew that was how I was planning on surviving Los Angeles.

  “One of these days some low life fucking scum of the earth will knock you up. Do you want that? I don’t want to have to welcome someone like that into our family,” he continued, his voice deepening with seriousness, low enough for only me to hear.

  “Give me some credit. I don’t just fuck anyone,” I growled in response, I picked at a loose thread on my jeans in an attempt to distract myself from what I really wanted to say.

  His brow furrowed. “Language, Savannah!”

  “Sorry, Mr. Davenport, but seriously you don’t need to worry about me. I can look after myself,” I replied, needing this conversation to end.

  “For the last fucking time, please call me Simon. You make me sound like some kind of pimp when you call me Mr. Davenport.”

  “Simon, I will be fine. Have faith in me.” I gave him the sweetest smile I could muster, but he wasn’t impressed.

  “I am warning you, Savannah. You are better than that. I don’t want you screwing yourself around Los Angeles. This is a new start and you are a beautiful young woman who deserves the world. I refuse to watch you destroy yourself. Just remember I can take away your job just as quickly as you got it,” he warned and furrowed his eyebrows at me.

  I looked at him in disbelief before I found my voice. “You cannot fire me for that!”

  His eyes were stern, serious and fatherly. “Just try me, Savannah.”

  Chapter Two

  “Let’s get out of here,” Mr. Davenport said as we made our way through the chaos of LAX arrivals, I had never seen this many people in my life. I dragged my hot pink suitcase behind me while desperately attempting to keep my eyes open. My mind was running a hundred miles an hour and I was trying to absorb everything going on around me. I couldn’t believe I was in Los Angeles.

  “Let’s go and find me a man!” I replied with a smirk and nudged him in the side as excitement simmered inside of me. My biggest reason to live was to taunt him.

  He shook his head at me and rolled his eyes in frustration. “You will be the death of me.” He chuckled as his lips curved into a smile.

  The sunshine of Los Angeles hit my face and caused a tingly sensation to sweep my skin. We walked toward the awaiting car that had been organized to take us to our apartments in a comfortable silence while my eyes darted around my surroundings. I loved the way the sun caressed my skin in a much wanted need. My skin felt like it was screaming at me after eighteen hours without natural sunlight or a good cleanse and moisturize. My pleasure, however, was short-lived
as Mr. Davenport ushered me into the waiting car. The smell of leather engulfed my senses and my body molded quickly into the plush leather seat as exhaustion swam through every inch of my body. It was 11 a.m., I was tipsy, tired and all I wanted was to climb into bed and float away to dreamland.

  My heavy eyes drifted to the window beside me and I watched Los Angeles buzz around me. It was so different from Sydney. The hills in the distance contrasted beautifully with the fevered busyness of the freeways around us. I watched as familiar landmarks passed me by and my excitement bubbled over as I saw the words Hollywood, Beverly Hills and Melrose flash before me. This was going to be such an adventure. The freeways of Los Angeles soon became streets, and thirty minutes later the driver was telling me we had arrived at my new apartment. I lifted my sunglasses from shading my eyes and looked out the window and squealed. This couldn’t be right. I looked at Mr. Davenport in astonishment and the grin on his face answered my question.

  “What the fuck?” I cried in disbelief. My busy eyes scanned the pool, the perfectly-maintained lawns and the white and rustic orange décor of the ten-story apartment building in front of me. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

  “Thank you, Mr. Davenport, this is amazing. I am for once in my life speechless.” I scooted across the seat and wrapped my arms tightly around him.

  He hugged me back and narrowed his eyes. “You are never going to call me Simon, are you?”

  “I do it just to piss you off.” I smirked before the driver opened passenger door beside me and I climbed out of the cab and waved goodbye. I could still hear him mumbling to himself as I closed the door behind me.

  In a happy daze I pushed open the double glass doors that led to the foyer of my new apartment block. It was chic, eccentric and had a Hollywood feel and I fell in love almost immediately. I walked toward the reception desk, eyes bouncing around the foyer and I couldn’t hold the happiness in any longer as a smile overtook my face. This place was perfect. There was the overwhelming sound of chattering people lingering, there was a coffee stand and a snack machine that I knew would fuel my M &M’s addiction. My eyes were zigzagging all over the place in a eager attempt to take it all in.